A Beautiful Goodbye: What a Veterinarian Taught Me About Being an End-of-Life Doula in San Diego
I recently had the privilege of connecting with Dr. Benson, founder of Paws into Grace. Her team supported my family through the loss of several of our dogs, and each goodbye was filled with tenderness, presence, and deep care. As a death doula, I was struck by how aligned our roles are: hers serving animals, mine serving people.
This conversation became a powerful reflection on what it means to create a peaceful, intentional, and dignified end-of-life experience. And as an end-of-life doula in San Diego, I found myself inspired by the parallels in our work.
What Holding Space Really Means
The Doula Approach to Presence
In both human and animal end-of-life care, the goal is the same: hold space, not take it. My work as a death doula is rooted in quiet support- creating calm, grounding the room, and helping families move through the moment with understanding rather than fear.
Dr. Benson expressed a philosophy that mirrors my own:
“I stay present in the ways I need to as a veterinarian, ensuring everything goes gently and safely, but I keep enough distance so the focus remains entirely on the family and their goodbye.”
This is the heart of doula work: presence without intrusion.
Navigating Grief with Compassion and Clarity
The Balance Between Emotion and Grounding
I asked Dr. Benson how she navigates her own emotions while witnessing so much loss. Her answer was both honest and uplifting.
“For me, it’s all about perspective. Of course there is sadness in what I do, but when a pet is comfortable and a family feels at peace, it becomes something deeply meaningful rather than heartbreaking. I see it as helping both the pet and their owners move toward healing. When everything happens gently, on their own terms, it’s not grief that stays with me- it’s affirmation. Knowing that the pet was not in fear, that their family could be fully present in those final moments. That’s the reward for me. I don’t walk away from each appointment grief-stricken; I walk away grateful that I could help create that sense of comfort and closure.”
Her words captured something I’ve come to understand through my own work: that grief and gratitude can coexist. When death is approached with compassion and calm, it can create a gentler starting point for healing.
What a Good Death Really Means
When I asked what her work had taught her about love and loss, her response felt like something I could easily say myself.
“Animals and their people share such profound bonds. What I’ve learned is that when you can transform a death into a good death- one that is peaceful and free of fear- it changes everything. It becomes a moment of healing rather than trauma. For the family, that memory becomes something they can look back on with gratitude instead of pain. And that shift makes all the difference in how they heal.”
A “good death.” It’s something we don’t talk about enough, for humans or animals. When death is met without fear, it has the potential to become something restorative. The goal is not to erase grief (that would be impossible), but to help people carry it with a bit more ease.
So much of my end-of-life planning work is about exploring what a “good death” means to each person I support. It looks different for everyone. There’s no single version of a good death, only what feels right, aligned, and true for that individual and the people who love them.
How Personal Loss Shapes a Doula’s Work
Dr. Benson’s compassion is rooted in her own loss. When she shared her story, I could feel how deeply it informs the way she shows up for others.
“Losing my mom at a young age was incredibly traumatic. It was filled with fear, loneliness, and uncertainty, and that experience represents everything I don’t want families to go through. It guides me in everything I do with Paws into Grace. I want pet owners to feel comforted, supported, and empowered to make choices about what feels right for them in those final moments. My goal is to help them feel guided, not alone, and to create a memory that brings peace rather than pain. Ultimately, my mission has always been to change how people experience death and loss, and to show that even in goodbye, there can be beauty, comfort, and grace.”
So often, those of us drawn to end-of-life work come from our own experiences of loss. Moments that left us wishing something had been handled differently. What I find powerful about Dr. Benson’s story is how she turned pain into purpose, reshaping the experience of death into something that feels gentle, intentional, and sacred. It reminded me of what David Kessler describes as the sixth stage of grief: finding meaning. Through loss, we can create something healing for others and in doing so, begin to heal ourselves.
Ritual, Choice, and the Beauty of a Thoughtful Goodbye
The Power of Personalized Ritual
When I asked her what a “beautiful goodbye” looks like, she spoke about choice — the freedom to shape the final moments in a way that feels right.
“A beautiful goodbye starts with giving families the comfort and freedom to make choices that feel right for them. In the familiarity of their own home, they can decide who they want present, the location they want to be in, and how they want to honor their pet. Some families plan small ceremonies, say a prayer, play music, or make a toast. Some offer their pet a favorite meal or treat. It’s completely on their terms. My role is to ensure the process is peaceful and gentle so that their final memory is one of love, not fear.”
The way she spoke about ritual really resonated with me. It’s often the smallest gestures — a shared moment, a familiar song, a gentle touch — that bring comfort and meaning when words fall short.
Choice and Dignity at the End of Life
Our conversation eventually turned toward the parallels between animal and human death — especially around choice, control, and dignity. End-of-life doulas honor those choices and walk alongside families through every step.
“With people, death is often something that’s prolonged, and that can come with a lot of suffering and loss of dignity. What we’re able to do for animals is truly an intervention that prevents that suffering. It allows them to pass before pain and decline take over, preserving not only their comfort but also the memory their family holds of them. Their owners remember their spirit and personality, not their final days of struggle. It’s made me think a lot about how much choice and dignity matter at the end of life for humans and animals, and how powerful it can be when that transition is peaceful and compassionate.”
Her words have stayed with me. In many ways, we grant our animals more compassion and choice at the end of life than we often give ourselves. It’s something I’ve reflected on deeply in my work with humans, especially when it comes to conversations around Medical Aid in Dying (MAID). For many, it’s not about hastening death, but about reclaiming a sense of agency, comfort, and peace when the end is already near.
Just as Dr. Benson helps families make thoughtful, loving choices for their pets, MAID and other end-of-life options invite us to consider what it means to die with dignity, to have a say in how we cross that threshold and to find meaning in how we say goodbye. These are not easy conversations, but they are profoundly human ones, rooted, like all of this work, in love.
Closing Reflections
What stays with me after talking with Dr. Benson is how aligned our work truly is. Whether for humans or animals, a good death is not about control, but about care. It’s about creating space for peace, honesty and connection; and trusting that love will do the rest.
Her approach reminds me that we can reimagine how we meet endings. We can bring them out of the shadows and back into the circle of life, where they belong. When we approach death with compassion and presence, we begin to see that loss and love can coexist and that one gives meaning to the other.
How an End-of-Life Doula Supports Families
As a death doula, I offer:
Emotional and spiritual support
Legacy projects and meaning-making
Advance care planning
Guided family conversations
Ritual creation for end-of-life and after-death care
Calm, grounded presence at the bedside
Support before, during, and after death
Guidance navigating MAID and other end-of-life options
My role is to ensure no one walks this path alone and to teach that death can be met with dignity, comfort, and connection.
If you or someone you love is navigating the end of life, or you’d like to prepare ahead, I’m here to help.
Compassionate, grounded, judgment-free support is available throughout San Diego. Contact me for a free consultation.
About Paws into Grace
Serving San Diego, Riverside, and Orange County, Paws into Grace provides in-home pet euthanasia, hospice support, and cremation services designed to bring comfort, dignity, and peace to both animals and their families. Their compassionate team of veterinarians offers families the chance to say goodbye in the familiarity of home, surrounded by love.
Having experienced their care firsthand, I can’t say enough about the tenderness and professionalism of their team. What I especially love about their approach is that they handle everything in-house, including cremation. Knowing your beloved family member is being treated with care and respect throughout the entire process offers a profound sense of peace during an incredibly difficult time.
If you are facing the loss of a pet or simply want to plan ahead, I wholeheartedly encourage you to visit their website and learn more about the beautiful work they do.